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, though. I&#8217;m probably not as feminine as you are, but people still seem to not know or assume that I&#8217;m a lesbian unless I tell them. I&#8217;m not sure I&#8217;ve ever been ashamed to be a lesbian (I just spent a lot of time confused about labels), but I do find it difficult to tell people I&#8217;m one sometimes. My experience with coming out, admitting to myself, not denying when people ask, etc, is all of that takes baby steps for some people. For me, the first really helpful thing towards really accepting I&#8217;m a lesbian and being able to say it to anyone was just saying it over and over again to MYSELF and getting used to identifying that way regardless of how people see me, placing some normalcy on it. It&#8217;s hard to tell other people when you&#8217;re not at all used to identifying that way. There&#8217;s an adjustment period for all of us. And I didn&#8217;t really start identifying to myself as a lesbian until a little more than two years ago, so I feel so comfortable with it in terms of myself but still don&#8217;t have that practice of telling other people&#8230;and I&#8217;m more the kind of person who is not into announcements. I&#8217;d much rather people ask me and I get my practice telling people THAT way. But that&#8217;s the step that I&#8217;m on now&#8230;and being perceived as more feminine, of course people don&#8217;t ask me. Anyway&#8230;I guess my advice is take baby steps at your own pace. I don&#8217;t know why people feel they have to treat coming out like ripping a band-aid right off a wound, and then they wonder why they can&#8217;t handle homophobia and discrimination and people&#8217;s arguments/comments about being LGBT&#8211;it&#8217;s too much all at once. You have to start with self-acceptance before you worry about telling others and responding to some negativity.And there are lesbians out there who are pretending to just be straight &#8220;allies,&#8221; kind of like you&#8217;re doing. So you&#8217;re not alone on that, either.

erstellt am 2012-04-09 08:58:29 Uhr (GMT)
Of course you&#8217;re normal! Coming out, acceptance, social stereotypes, dealing with this all is not that easy.Although I&#8217;m not that feminine, when I first started to come out my friends joked I needed to get it tattooed on my forehead, because I could very easily pass as straight. My girlfriend used to say I don&#8217;t trigger her gaydar even knowing I&#8217;m gay. Being a very feminine lesbian can be even more frustrating, as many people misunderstand you for a straight alley, or put your queer-ness in doubt due to the way you look. This is all rubbish, obviously.If gayness depended on appearance, alot of straight people would be gay and the opposite, so we can happily forget about all this &#8220;you have to look gay to be gay&#8221;. The passage from being a proud gay rights supporter to coming out is not easy as well. It&#8217;s different to support gays and their rights as a alley or as a gay yourself. Assuming you totally accept yourself for what you are(do you?), maybe the fear of the opinion of the outer world stops you. I will give my example (real examples tend to be good in these situations).I am now out to all the people that matter to me: my friends, my parents, my brother. Also I am out at university and with new people, if the situation requires it. However, I am often bugged by the idea that some of the people I will meet in my life will disapprove or disrespect me for it, even when I like them. If I were still closeted that problem would never exist. My future employer, that maybe won&#8217;t fire me but won&#8217;t like me, some friend&#8217;s parent, friends&#8217; friends, coworkers, the neightbours. We tell ourselves that our loved ones&#8217; opinion is the only opinion that matters, but it&#8217;s not that simple, is it? The looks of people in the streets, of people that surround us in our life, it can hurt.Society can influence us alot in our feelings and decisions, it can be harsh on minorities and force us in a closet we don&#8217;t fit in. It can make us think that we are wrong, innatural, and then we become the major enemy of ourselves. There is nothing weird with your feelings, different individuals experience this particular situation in very different ways, and it&#8217;s fine. You just need to find your own way out, even out of the closet, if that&#8217;s what you need/want. Take it easy, nobody is after you, it&#8217;s a delicate matter. My advice is to take it slow. Reflect about it carefully, but don&#8217;t get obsessed with it or your anxiety will rise. Do what you feel, gradually, there&#8217;s no rush. You are okay, just the way you are. You will be fine ps. Well done about the aids ribbons and the support to gay rights! Too little gays (and even straight alleis) care about that! Be proud of yourself!

erstellt am 2012-04-01 05:06:45 Uhr (GMT)
something like, you did a great job, (something like that) and you deserve a kiss, then she kissed me two or three times on the cheek. Honestly, I didn’t see it coming especialli from her coz we just met sometime. By the way, she send me pictures when we flew the kite and had a chance to clear things up. And I opened up to her about being shy to talk or to have a conversation, and also about the kiss. She’s glad that I opened up to her in my email, then she opened up too through email and encourage me to be more open in person, be strong,and all sorts of encouragement but most especially… be myself. The thing is I started liking her, like I’m in love with her for the short time we know each other. I started looking out the window to check her car if she’s home or she’s not around. And again, after we opened up in email, this evening, while we’re on our way home from our neighbor’s house, the door opened from outside, and she came in. I felt like, Oh I can’t breathe, I can contain the joy i’m feeling but also I felt like I’m going to faint or something due to shyness and very nervous. I tried to look away while she’s talking and my mind says we need to go but my heart dearly wanted to stay. Until now, I am still confused about myself. And I don’t think, telling her how I really feel is a good idea, coz I don’t really want to loose her, even though if for her, it’s just a friendship. But I do really like her,I’m longing to see her always and hear her voice, laughing or talking, I like the way she handles things, the way she talks, smiles, her point of views, the fact that she is smart and very beautiful inside out and she’s very religious too, so I just don’t want to risk a possible beautiful friendship with her.And the most important thing is, I can’t see myself coming out to my family, friends and people around me. I can’t see myself hanging out with a girlfriend or hooking up with another girl, I mean like to do that but I simply don’t have the nerve to stand for what I want. I am too scared to get out but I’m sure that I really like girls, and now I can’t figure out how to deal with my life. So please give me some advice about my problem. Coz practically, I haven’t talk to anybody about what I am getting through now, so I’m hoping that you could hep me. Thank you. And more success in your career Erin.

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hey lets kiss and see how it feels .l Feel like she is using me to fulfill a ssiming part in her relationship , but keeping her fiance for the comfort of home, money and security!, So l want no more of it, untill we are back to just colleges again.I had not seen her since finishing work on Friday last week ,and it felt so good,No stress of anticipation! , Etc. I hate being cold to her but, if she pursues my attention she says we are friends , but if lm not talking to her and we are friends ,why! does she not ask whats wrong , she clearly does not see me as just a friend, and she is pretending nothing is wrong.the game needs to stop now!. , something tells me it will not thou, I had a the affair with a Russian model! l wanted to experiment and did , and it hurt because l fell hard, and she just used me for sex, we fell in lust and she made my life hell !! when l would not be hers ,, so she cut off her friendship …as she knew i wanted to stay friends. and l rebounded by sleeping with another girl to try and forget her ,Big! mistake , because that was how my fiance found out about my fling ,so then he thought l was a lesbian ! which is not really the case , but l just wanted to act upon all the female flirting l seem to get, to see if l liked it , and l did, but l found after the lust fades l loose interest so for me it’s a case of enjoying the experience while i wanted it .. which i mentioned to this work college , and she told me it’s no big deal! as she had been with girls, but now i think she has it in her head that she can flirt with me also to see if l fall for her, which was great! untill we now realise we need each others attention. I feel angry about this. What is sad is l don’t think we can go back to friends now, once she realises l no longer wish to flirt with her , because l see in her eyes how happy l make her feel when were together?I love my friend , really do she is so sweet ,we click so perfectly as friends but she will not let me into her social life , she commented that l scare her in front of another manager friend who is married to a woman, but then when l say l don’t want any friends at work , she looks over and smiles saying except me right and grins.We were standing in the reception area one night while it was quite , and the tension and flirting had it a real high point, one of those situations were you know something is going to happen if you keep pushing the right buttons. Anyway we were standing beside one another , when she just turned to me and started going on about how shed been hurt in the past plus she has been married which l never knew. After confessing to me how she was afraid to be hurt again etc… she then looked at me and said ! Believe it or not I really like you , and followed with I know you may find it hard to believe.Can you tell me with all the constant hand touching Hip touching ,and winking , plus wanting me to sit in her office with her when she is alone.i.e if l sit in another room with the other female manager she will have no shame in asking me to be with her.She even said to me one day, when again l was trying to ignore her so l could just get over the feelings l was experiencing,Hey you cannot say No ! to me you know you can’t .. it was that blatant my jaw hit the floor, but l proceeded to ignore her.She drops me home sometimes if l decide to take a lift and when we turn to each other to say bye you can feel the hesitation in the kiss on the cheeks , which may l add have gone from cheek touching to lips kissing on the cheeks …thats why l pulled away . , l have left it alone to save her from a mistake or I , but you also must understand how painful this is… when shes around me l just want to take her and make love to her.It’s an emotional thing hard to explain unless you had that feelin ..We seem to think and adjust to one another so easy no words just thoughts.So her flirting is that a sign that maybe she wants me too , but is fighting her feelings, like l say she has been with girls before , she always seems to focus on the martieral side of her relationship with her fiance , money holidays , House etc, and when l try to discuss him so l can included a normality to the friendship she seems dismissive or keeps it very limited in info , or over compensates what she tells me in regards to the up and coming marriage Honey moon next year, which seems to have changed three times already which hurtsl wish to hurt no one including my self.but l can only handle this if l pull away but l think it’s confusing her,as me disliking her ,as yesterday she had a bad day in the office ,l was sitting at a desk and when normally she will be all giggly around me and smiley she tried to be all serious , then laughing with the other girls etc, when she realised l was not joining in to talk with her ,she went quite everyone left the room for one reason or another ,then she walk past my dest threw some keys really hard onto the desk even though she could see l was typing then sat at her desk and burst out crying!! .and l said don’t cry , she replied what have l done now? I felt so bad because l know in most part it must be because she misses the flirting we share, and she cannot figure why l have gone cold on her., so l said to her come here , over she came and we hugged for say 2 mins but it felt like eternity!! we both seemed to want to stay like that for as long as it was possible it felt as thou time stood still , all went silent, but l said don’t cry it will be ok , then we hugged some more, but l did not want colleges to see us so close,as lm paranoid as it is about us around each other and what others see.We went back to our desk , She then seemed really happy. Of course every one started walking in saying whats wrong !Trying to hug her ,but she went lm fine ,while looking at me and smiling,!Its just a case of handling this delicately without making me feel bad or anyone else.Could anyone help me understand what is going on really and is it all in my head…. ?
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